I Would Count the Seas of Stars For You
by AuthorandArtist13
Summary: "They found Penny Parker after 7 days, 17 hours, and 5 minutes. Natasha knew because she'd spent that entire time kicking herself for losing her." Seeing the disappearance of Queens' Spidergirl through the eyes of the woman who regrets it most, and who's determined to find a way to bring her back. A dive into the complex character that is Ms. Romanoff, and how she deals w/ grief.


**A/N: Hello again! So I've recently stumbled upon Emily F6's Penny Parker drabbles on AO3, and I kind of fell in love with the idea of writing Spidergirl for a change? So you're probably gonna see more of that now XD. That being said, I guess I should clarify I imagine this Penny's description to be more comic-based than the (super cute!) version we saw on Into the Spiderverse. (Maybe more Gwen-like? Idk, y'all.) Would you guys be interested in a Series of Penny Parker Sickfics, similar to the one I've got going for Peter?**

**(I probably have more updates I was supposed to put here, but alas, I forgot everything. Check my profile if you're wondering where I'm at, etc.)**

**Thank you so much for joining me again, and I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

They found Penny Parker after seven days, 17 hours, and five minutes. Natasha knew because she'd spent that entire time kicking herself for losing her.

The whole team was in tatters since her disappearance, really. Tony's eyes were consistently red and open-Natasha hadn't seen him eat or sleep regularly in days. Steve's tongue was suddenly harsh, snapping orders out to send everyone he knew to look for her. Clint punched the walls and left holes. Bruce was silent, holding his head in his hands for long periods of time. She had heard that May Parker was calling Happy at least three times a day, begging for updates.

And Natasha?

She planned. She plotted the exact form of demise Penny's captors would meet. Her guns were disassembled and checked twice a day. Her knives were cleaned and sharpened. She paced and planned and watched the stopwatch on the Compound's flat screen TV flick the seconds by. Seconds in which Penny could be being starved or beaten or ripped apart psychologically for information Natasha knew she wouldn't give out easily. She could be tortured. Raped. Drugged. Physically altered. The list went on and on and on.  
Natsha started having nightmares about the Red Room again. Only this time, Penny was in her place, going through the motions Natasha had forced herself to do. Sometimes it was Nat herself who was forcing Penny to train there. Other times she was watching, helpless, as Penny pulled the trigger over and over again.

* * *

Sam found her in the kitchen on the fifth night, checking her Widow's Bite taser over for potential damage and nursing a cold cup of tea. He sat down at the bartop next to her. She didn't turn to look at him. "It's not your fault, Nat." his voice was filled with sorrow and a hint of pity. Natasha gave a wry smile. She didn't require his pity.  
"She was on a mission with me when they took her."  
"I know."  
"She's barely sixteen."  
"I know. We all know."  
"And we still only have one false lead."  
Sam sighed. "Yes."  
"And you're still sure there was absolutely nothing I could have done?"  
Sam dropped his eyes, and that was enough of an answer for her. She knew no one hated her for it, not even Stark-but the question was still there. Lingering in the air between them. She had her answer.  
Sam motioned towards her cup. "Let me heat that up for you."  
Natasha slipped her taser into her belt and stood. "I'm going to the training room." she said, then turned to leave. Just as she stepped into the elevator, Sam called out after her.  
"We'll find her, Nat. I promise you, we will."  
The elevator doors slid closed.

* * *

Natasha ran every morning for the first six days until she was heaving onto the sidewalk. The seventh morning Rhodey stopped her on her way out the door.  
"Nat."  
She tied her left shoe.  
"You can't keep punishing yourself for this."  
Her right shoe.  
"Tony and May are upset, we all are...but nobody is blaming you."  
Zipped up her jacket.  
"Running away won't solve any of this."  
Hand on the doorknob. Turn.  
"Natasha." there was a pain in his voice that made her pause. "Please."

She sighed. Deliberated. Her hand slipped off the knob and she turned, brushing past him.

"I'm not running away, Colonel."  
_Never again._

* * *

The video came through at 2:35 in the morning on the seventh day.

Natasha had been in the living room, when suddenly FRIDAY announced an incoming message. Natasha remembered ordering the AI to open it, terrified, perched on the edge of a plush white couch. For a moment, she watched the seconds tick by on the flatscreen's stopwatch display. Then, Penny's face filled the screen. Natasha screamed, leaping to her feet, oblivious to the thundering of footsteps from the floors above her.

The video had already started playing. Penny was strapped to a gurney. Her hair was matted and greasy, there were scrapes and bruises littering her body, and a blindfold was wrapped around her eyes. Dried blood crusted on her upper lip. But she was there. She was alive.

An arm reached into the frame and whipped the blindfold off. Penny's terrified eyes blinked at the harsh lights that were no doubt sending her into a sensory overload, scanning frantically around the room she was in, before settling on the camera in front of her. They were the only part of her that let on how terrified she truly was.  
Lips trembling ever so lightly, she opened her mouth and began to speak.

"Avengers," her voice rasped. "This is an organization with powers you do not even begin to comprehend. We know who this girl is. We know exactly what you are capable of. And unless you want to see what else we can have the puppet say, I suggest you hand over some specific research files for our perusal. This will be our only warning." Penny's voice cracked, and a tear leaked from her eye. "Goodbye."

The screen went black. Natasha screamed through her teeth. A hand settled on her shoulder and she whipped around, ready to attack. Bucky lifted his hands away. Natasha blinked and swept her gaze around the room, breaking the haze that had formed around her. Everyone was there. Tony, Rhodey, Sam, Pepper, Bruce...even Helen was in the corner, a hand over her mouth. Everything was still for a moment.

"FRIDAY, play it again." Tony ordered. He was shaking.

They watched it again. And again. By the third time Clint was pulling out his hair. "So what the hell does this give us? Nothing!"  
"Can we track it?" Steve asked, directing his question towards Tony.

"FRIDAY?"

"I am unable to locate the direction of the message, Boss."  
Clint kicked the leather armchair, collapsed in it, and then promptly stood back up, restless. Bruce was pacing.  
"Okay…" Steve said, clearly trying to gain control of the situation. "Okay. This is something. This can be used to our advantage."  
"How?" That was Bruce.  
"We know what they want. We know she's alive. We know that at least for now, it's going to stay that way, as long as we're smart about it."  
Tony let out a huff of laughter.

"You think that's funny, Stark?" Steve's tone was biting. Natasha knew it was just the stress, knew that no one there was thinking straight. But Tony's head snapped up as if he'd been slapped in the face, and instantly the room was deadly quiet. Tony's eyes burned into Steve's, who opened his mouth to apologize.  
"No." Tony's voice was barely above a whisper. "No, I don't think that's funny. You know what I think? I think it's been seven days since my kid was taken right under our noses. That's a pretty long time, isn't it?" he snapped his fingers harshly, laughing again. "You know what? I'll give them the damn files. I'll give them whatever the hell their hearts desire."  
"Tony-"  
"You think I'm still_ joking_, Cap?" He got in Steve's face.

"Tony." Pepper took his hand in hers. The man deflated.

"Let's watch it again." Natasha said. "Pick up any cues she's giving off."  
They had FRIDAY start the footage again. Right away Bruce spoke up. "She's reading off of cards. Look, her eyes are scanning something." They were. Back and forth, back and forth, minute motions across the screen.  
"Okay, so they're instructing her on what to do. And she's complying." Steve said. A few of them nodded. They started the video up again.  
"Wait, pause!" Tony pointed. "Look at the crook of her right arm." he tapped the screen. "Bruises."  
"They're drugging her." Helen said. She stepped closer. "From the dilation of her pupils, it's strong stuff, most likely still making its way through her system."  
"Strong enough for Spidergirl?" Clint furrowed his brow.  
"Either they're lucky or they know exactly who they're dealing with, like she said." said Bucky.  
"It would explain the creepy gurney." Sam.

They watched for a few more moments. Intently. Hopefully. Natasha's eyes widened just at the end, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. "Pause it."  
"What?"  
"What is it?"  
Natasha turned towards Tony. "Does Penny know Morse code?"  
"What?"  
"Look. Right there." Natasha pointed to the edge of the gurney, where Penny's hand was hovering in the air. "She's tapping."  
"FRIDAY, play. Half the speed."  
Penny's fingers beat against the metal. Tap. Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap. Tap. Pause. The motion was barely there, almost unnoticeable.

It was like the air had been sucked out of the room.  
Then, pandemonium.  
Tony was shouting for FRIDAY to play it slower. Clint was scrabbling for a pen and a scrap of paper. Pepper was crying, a hand pressed over her mouth. Someone-Bucky?-was leaping into the air and whooping. At least two people were cursing.  
Natasha stood, inches from the screen, staring at Penny's beautiful, pixelated eyes. She pressed her fingertips to the TV, frozen in relief and time.

* * *

Seven days, 17 hours, and five minutes.

They rescued Penny Parker, that smart, _smart_ kid, after seven days, 17 hours, and five minutes.

Natasha could tell you what she was doing for every second of those. Maybe she was working herself sick. Maybe she was picking at a stale omelette. Maybe she was going through every HYDRA file they had, searching desperately for a clue.

Half an hour after Penny had tapped out her kidnappers' names, they found her. They assembled a team to retrieve her-Tony, obviously, with Rhodey, Nat, Clint, Bucky, Sam, and Steve. Helen and her team were waiting in the Quinjet. They took off immediately. They broke into the warehouse in five minutes, took down every standing kidnapper inside in ten, and spent the next three running through the labyrinth-like hallways, searching for where she was being kept. Natasha didn't know her heart could make its way that far up her throat until those few, frantic minutes.

It was Steve that found her first.  
After he announced it, Natasha swore she heard Tony let out one, racking sob through the comms. But there was no time to dwell on it. It was time to get all hands on deck. Natasha met Steve halfway down one of the hallways. They jogged to the exit together, Penny cradled in his arms. She had lost weight, and was shaking like a leaf in nothing but a thin, oversized t-shirt and shorts. She was sweating, clawing at Steve's chest deliriously as he tried in vain to soothe her. Natasha got her changed into fresh, dry clothes on the Quinjet and handed her over to Tony and Helen.

They laid her out on a bed, Tony whispering reassurances and urging Helen to get the pain meds faster. The team settled. Every once in a while Penny would shriek in pain or fear-no one knew for sure. Helen insisted it was the last of the drugs getting out of her system, that soon she would come to and feel better-if not exhausted and in need of therapy. They got her hooked up and pumped full of the good stuff, and she relaxed into a deep sleep. Tony never left her side.

For the first time in over seven days, Natasha could breathe again. They could all breathe again. She could try and mop up a bit more red in her ledger. When Tony left to use the bathroom, she took his place next to Penny's bed. Slowly carding her fingers through Penny's long, snarled brown hair, she hummed her favorite Russian lullaby under her breath.

_Baju-bajushki baju_

_ Maju M'iluju lju-lju _

_Volny na mar'e gan'al _

_Zalaty sv'ozdy sh'ital_

_..._

Natasha leaned down and kissed Penny's forehead gently. The girl's eyelids fluttered briefly, before becoming still once more.

...

_Bayu-bayushki bayu _

_My darling lulay _

_Did you chase the waves on the sea _

_Or count golden stars?_

_..._

_Or count golden stars..._

* * *

**A/N: That's all, folks. Friendly reminder to check out my newly updated Series of Peter Parker Sickfics! Peter's being crushed by a building with Sam and Bucky, what else is new?**

**I also want to mention that the morse code bit is from a tumblr post by madasthesea (who happens to be super talented, go check 'em out). Credit for that idea goes to them! Oh, and the ****lyrics above are from one of my favorite Russian lullabies. It seemed fitting.**

**So yeah. Thank you guys for reading, and I hope you enjoyed. Please take a moment to leave a review! I would love to know what you thought, especially with the characterization of Nat, and that Penny Parker series. Your support truly makes my day. :)**

**-A.A.13**


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